It's early April. That means it's time for rain, flowers, lent- all that good stuff. It's the beginning of spring. A time to put away the snow shovel and break out the weed whacker. "Although if you live in Buffalo I wouldn't put away that snow shovel until June" (A hack joke to be read in a Cheektowaga accent). Early April also means that the most anticipated WrestleMania in some time has come and gone. So what did I think of it?.... IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I THOUGHT OF IT! I'll tell you anyway though.
For the second straight year my friends and I shelled out the 55 bucks to order the biggest WWE pay per view of the year. For the record, I have absolutely no problem paying that kind of money. I don't know why so many people make a big deal over the cost of a PPV. If you call up six friends it comes out to around like eight bucks each. What's the problem? You don't have six friends? What’s that?... Oh, you DO have six friends you just don't have six who will to pay to watch wrestling. That’s understandable.
That being said, I would've been willing to spend 100 bucks (perhaps more than that) on this WrestleMania. That's because WrestleMania XXVII wasn't going to be like any other WrestleMania. No, this particular WrestleMania was going to be the most exciting (and electrifying) WrestleMania in quite some time. For the first time in seven years Dwayne "his-name-will-always-be-The-Rock" Johnson would be there! So here's what happened...
WrestleMania was four hours long. It ran from 7PM-11PM. All of the Smackdown matches were over within the first hour. The WWE must have realized that nobody has cared about the Smackdown brand since 9/11. Now I'm not going to say 9/11 had anything to do with Smackdown’s decline in popularity. I don’t think the two are related. Then again, maybe they are. Who knows? I'll leave that one up to the 9/11 experts like Jesse Ventura. Regardless, Smackdown sucks now. So the first three matches on the card consisted of Smackdown matches. Get them all out of the way before the 8 o'clock hour. Smart thinking, Vincent.
The first match of the night was for the World Heavyweight Championship between some jack weed named Alberto Del Rio and Edge. I don't understand this Del Rio guy's shtick. He's supposed to be portrayed as the newest up and coming star in the WWE but he looks like he's pushing 40. Wikipedia says he's 33 but I'm not buying it. Overall, this match wasn't too bad. Del Rio actually does some pretty cool shit in the ring. In the end, Edge won and then destroyed Del Rio's "Rolls-Royce" which looked more like a souped up '83 Chevy Nova.
Alberto Del Rio... A face that screams “young talent”.
So there were a few more matches. Blah Blah Blah. Let's get to the stuff that everyone paid to see.... like realty TV sensation Snooki! I'm not going to lie; I was really excited to see the mixed-tag match involving Snooki. Who wouldn't be? Snooki has officially replaced Marlon Brando as America's most lovable fat Italian. This match didn't disappoint either. Believe it or not, Snooki, who’s 4'9" and a buck 50, put on a great match on the grandest stage of them all. Now, I'm not saying it was Hart vs. Michaels quality but it was certainly better than the Hair vs. Hair match at WrestleMania 23.
Who would've thought Snooki could do this?...
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was definitely at the bottom of the cheerleader pyramid
Now we move on to the main event between the WWE champion The Miz and John Cena. It started out with an epic intro by the Miz. The video showed the Miz in a director’s chair in the middle of a control room watching videos on a giant TV screen of past WWE superstars from Hulk Hogan to The Rock. It also showed him watching videos of himself from his days on “The Real World” as well as highlights of him as WWE Champion. The song “You Can Hate Me Now” by Nas and Puff Daddy played in the background. It truly was awesome. The video production team at WWE did a great job putting together a promo that portrayed the Miz's character beautifully. It was a work of art. I'm not kidding.
Then John Cena came to the ring and everything got a little gayer. In an effort to top the Miz, Cena’s intro consisted of 80-100 Southern Gospel singers. Videos of Cena as a teenager and as a wrestler played on the titantron with the voice of DMX praying to Jesus Christ playing in the background. Once again, I’m not kidding. If Jesus were around today he would have died of embarrassment for our sins after watching that dreck. What a tub of douche Cena is. He also came to the ring sporting his new tee-shirt. His newest garb is a bright red shirt that reads "Never give up. Cenation". Yes, that's what his NEW tee-shirt is looks like.
The match itself was nothing to write home about. Cena's matches are never overly entertaining. The Miz and Cena went back and forth and eventually both ended up outside the ring which lead to them both being counted out. The Rock came out and said that WM27 couldn’t end on a count out and demanded the match be restarted. When the bell rang the Rock “Rock-bottomed” Cena, allowing Miz to cover him and retain his title for the second time in a matter of minutes. This was actually a great way to end WM 27. I commend the WWE for not ending another WrestleMania with stupid Cena holding up the championship belt.
That was pretty much it. Overall, a decent WrestleMania. The Rock’s presence definitely helped. It was good to see him back, and because of the Rock's actions a match between Cena and The Rock has already been set for WrestleMania XXVIII. Cena vs. The Rock is a match that people have wanted to see for a while. Let’s hope that a year of training will allow Rock to get his timing back. Let’s also hope that a year of training may be enough time for Cena to discover the concept of timing. The latter is probably a long shot.
Oh yeah. The Undertaker won again… big surprise.
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